By Jonathon (www.latimemachines.com)

1. QUALITY - While the quality of the food is normally the main reason one goes to any restaurant – for "Musso’s" it is only one aspect of many that makes Musso’s "the ultimate Hollywood experience". It’s a starting point, if you will. Musso’s has the kind of food that is so good, you want to close your eyes just to experience the flavor. It’s the kind of food that each person has their own sort of unique exclamation upon the first bite – the "ahhhhh"s or "ohhh"s or perhaps in today’s more dramatic generation, a complementary explicative!
2. NOSTALGIA AND TRADITION – From a menu (which still looks much like the one from the 20’s) developed over a 50 year period by Musso’s greatest chef – French born Jean Rue – there appears to be an almost infinite variety of combinations one can order a la carte [it might be fun among one's entourage to have a contest to see who is the first person to eat everything on the menu - I doubt whether it's ever been done!]. Virtually all Musso fanatics (like myself) develop a favorite dish or two that is ordered over and over for decades. It may not be creative to be a creature of habit, but it is just a reality. "Mussoholics" often find themselves day dreaming about a certain dish on the menu. For me, I have three modes – 1) the splurge – if I’m not on my perennial (albeit sporadic) diet – I go for the Hot Turkey Sandwich with extra gravy and cranberry sauce on the side. There is simply no conceivable, rational argument that any other restaurant in the world can provide competition on this American classic (the Musso and Frank hot turkey sandwich is always carved white meat - straight out of Thanksgiving at Grandma's house); 2) when I’m on my "quasi-diet" – just moderation – it has to be the Musso’s "dinner salad" – totally unique despite the often understated and mundane names the menu uses (best if waiter Manny Felix makes it at the counter) – and a bowl of the French Soup "au gratin" (ah – the daydreaming begins with just the thought of it!).  Topped with a massive chunk of the world's best cheese (I have no idea what kind) - it's almost like a dessert it's so intense; 3) On full-blown diet mode – the vegetarian plate – although this is hardly a sacrifice – quite tasty (and like the mashed potatoes on this plate – you’ll never find anything from a "mix" at Musso’s). This is just one example – ask any other Musso’s regular and you will get a completely different set of wistful suggestions – the various "to die for" steaks, the smelts (my mother’s favorite), the swordfish, etc. ad infinitum. I once sat and listened to a woman who spoke with the religious zeal of a cult member when describing the liver and onions.  She drives periodically almost two hours to order it.  Did I mention perhaps the world’s best sourdough bread provided in massive proportions for free?
3. Food History and Culture – While I hate to apply the word "history" to food because of possible connotations of "old" and "out of date" which is obviously not how I view Musso’s food, there has to be some recognition that Musso’s menu – despite its French and Italian origins – is as classic an example of REAL American comfort food as there is. Inexplicably, American’s don’t tend to think of themselves as having a "culture", but "American culture" as impossible as it is to define (being a conglomeration of all cultures) is quite real. Musso’s provides the perfect synthesis of what the world should view as classic American food as opposed to regional American food (short of like standard English verses regional American English dialects and accents). It is the yardstick for all of our American cultural foods. Therefore, in one of the world’s greatest tourist attractions – Hollywood – if foreign visitors want to say they experienced the quintessential cuisine of America – they have to come to Musso’s (the ultimate Hollywood experience - notice my not so subliminal messages!). And once again, as to historic food - where else are you going to find real "Welsh Rarebit"!

1. "THE TIME MACHINE EFFECT" - Strangely enough for a restaurant and bar – even if one were foolish enough to ignore the sensational food and drinks at Musso’s – the Musso and Frank Grill would still be the "must see", iconic destination for the history of Hollywood – regarding both the "concept" of Hollywood and the "city" itself. First, one must explore the sheer physical ambiance of this place where time has stood still. Although of course they never will, it would not be at all unreasonable for the owners to charge a cover charge to Musso’s. Not only is Musso’s the oldest restaurant in Hollywood – it is also the oldest, essentially un-remodeled example of 20's Hollywood interior design (and in certain aspects all of Los Angeles). While there may be some examples of older, well preserved interior design in Los Angeles (although off-hand I cannot think of any!), Musso’s is not some lifeless museum. You completely interact with and "live" the history of this place. Where else in the entire world can you sit in Charlie Chaplin’s or Raymond Burr's favorite booth or Steve McQueen’s chair at "the counter" or the bar stools where Jon Hamm and John Slattery had Martinis during a Mad Men episode. Where else in the world can you look down and wonder whether the scratch on the bar counter was made by Ernest Hemingway, Raymond Chandler, William Faulkner or F. Scott Fitzgerald! Yes, of course there are other restaurants and bars that were favorites of a particular historic figure, but being located right smack in the middle of Hollywood – no other restaurant in the world can provide the sheer mass of Hollywood history – writers, actors, musicians, directors, gangsters and other Los Angeles historic figures - the famous and infamous of the world – all in one very comfortable place where you can "hang" or "chill out" among friends and family! When Kevin Starr, the undisputed world expert ( the "heavy weight champion") on California history was asked what place most evoked a feeling of California history in him – he chose Musso and Frank’s. What greater endorsement can you ask then that! Sitting in Musso's you can travel back to an era when a person's "word" was good as gold, when the pace of life was calm and serene, when people really cared about quality and integrity, where you could have a good laugh without any explicatives, where being a lady or a gentleman came naturally (and meant something), where a friend could be counted on like a brother or sister and where intimate or frank conversation was an art and one of life's great pleasures! I could go on for hours about this time machine effect – but that would cut into my time at Musso’s!
2. UNPARALLED "LIVING" HISTORY - Sadly, so many visitors to Hollywood go to tourist traps where the history of some of America’s greatest institutions –American Movies, American Music, and American Literature - is explained in a lifeless and hurried monotone to these disappointed "tourists" and visitors. Because of its unassuming and understated exterior (an issue soon to be ameliorated by fourth generation co-owner Jordan Jones) – countless tourists quietly walk by and miss literally THE greatest opportunity to experience the "living history" of Hollywood – both past and present – the Musso and Frank’s Grill (the "ultimate Hollywood Experience"). To once again present an insane hypothetical – even if Musso’s had the interior of a typical corporate chain restaurant and served the typical "computer generated" corporate chain food (a nightmarish scenario worthy of the ultra cliché reference to "Dante’s Inferno"!) the staff of Musso’s itself would still provide the ultimate "living history" experience for Hollywood (at least for those without insider connections to Hollywood movie studios and access to Hollywood stars – like the present author). Just to provide a few examples (and I will leave gaping holes being a relatively shy person who still does not know the majority of the Musso staff members) where else in the world can one, for the price of a drink or light dinner (although once inside you will be inextricably drawn to all of Musso’s delights), can you experience the following: 1) Being served what is considered Los Angeles’ best martini by bartender "Manny Aguirre" who has served James Dean, has made Drew Barrymore laugh with his jokes and has worked for decades at Hollywood’s most famous bars and restaurants including Nickodell’s, Scandia, and bartending on the last night of Chasen’s; 2) Being served what is considered to be Los Angeles’ best Cosmopolitan by Ruben Rueda who used to have to drive an inebriated Charles "Hank" Bukowski home from Musso’s and had to quietly chastise Orson Wells for bothering other customers; and 3) Being served a killer steak by Manny Felix, known to break into an occasional ballad or do a quick magic trick, who worked at the "gone but never forgotten" Villa Capri, waiting on Frank Sinatra, Joe DiMaggio and "Mickey" Cohen (and trained by the great restaurateur Patsy D’Amore!). Yes, by incredible serendipity, you may happen to stumble upon individuals of a similar caliber in other places on rare occasions – but at Musso’s this is a common daily experience. Every single person at Musso’s from the warm and enlightened owners to the most humble of employees is a unique and unparalleled character or personality with fascinating anecdotes to tell (at least during rare times in the early afternoon or very late at night when they are not working at a frenetic pace) . The family that owns Musso's consists of about the nicest folks you would ever want to meet.  While I won't mention most of them by name for privacy reasons, one co-owner has been in the press quite a bit lately concerning some much needed but very subtle improvements around Musso's - Jordan Jones. This young man (great grandson of Giovanni "John" Mosso) is sort of a modern day cross between Jack Kerouac, Meriwether Lewis, and Albert Schweitzer (hopefully some day he will write about his global adventures and volunteer work).  How fitting to have his leadership at Musso's.  And even first time visitors are greeted like long time friends. It’s sort of like if the TV show "Cheers" had been filmed in the Doheny mansion and the bartenders and waiters there were all former 1940’s movie stars (… "where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came"). There is a long standing myth about the waiters here being "gruff" undoubtedly spread by those LA types who think the world centers solely around them (I use the word myth because nothing could be further from the truth).  The gruff legend arises more out of a staff which is adept at assessing sincerity or arrogance with a quick glance and treats each person accordingly.
3. THE PLACE THAT NEVER REALLY CHANGES – Everyone should have one place, one sanctuary in their life that never changes. In my life, my bucolic high school now has a six lane highway behind it. My grandparents’ homes are all gone and my parents’ home is remodeled. I can barely find my way around the old neighborhood I grew up in with new roads and mini-malls all over the place. But since I started going to Musso’s around 1980 (and it might as well have been 1955) really nothing has changed. I’ve made sure to take everyone I care about in life to Musso’s if I had the chance – just to build up a treasure trove of protected memories. Jokes with mom and dad, nieces spilling their soup, the face the cooks would put on my son’s tuna sandwich using olives and a pickle, reminiscing with my sisters, and debating great truths with old friends. And each time I go back, I get that same warm, eternal sort of feeling the instant I go in. It’s like an anchor to your past and "treasure chest" for all of those wonderful memories. It’s a protective, quiet fortress of solitude to shield you against the chaos of the modern, plastic world around you – the unchanging, comfortable "family room" where you are guaranteed to be around people who sincerely make you feel like you are special and welcome (even if you’re just an average guy like me). And it never changes.

1. THE FAMOUS –Yes, of course, it is the ultimate faux pas among native and quasi-native Angelinos to admit that you were the least bit excited about seeing or bumping into a movie star or other world renowned figure. It is almost de rigueur to speak of such encounters with intonations of virtual distain. Being the nerd that I am – I do not have the panache to pull that off – I do get excited when I see a big star and bore all my friends the next day with the story. So there! I would be amiss to mention then that Musso’s has a pretty high "star quotient", as well as it being a hang for other sorts of non-industry celebrities and world dignitaries. Logically, since we can all now agree that Musso’s is the world’s greatest restaurant, people of this sort (I’m trying hard for some distain!) do hang out here. Maybe it’s the dark and romantic, historic atmosphere or just the general high caliber of the ordinary clientele – but I’ve noticed that stars are left in peace here to enjoy their family and meals. I’ve never seen a single paparazzo here. The class of people who dine here would never interrupt a "star’s" meal. It may also be a function of how Musso’s tends to treat the stars like regular folks. Musso’s doesn’t need to "comp" stars to get them in here (and they don’t), although of course the restaurant is happy to make special accommodations for parties and filming. So call me superficial but I do enjoy seeing the occasional star here;
2. THE NOT QUITE SO FAMOUS AND THE OBSCURE - We now arrive at what strangely may be the biggest draw of all for me in my ongoing visits to Musso and Frank's – the "average" (to use the term ludicrously loosely) customer. Unlike your generic nondescript neighborhood bar, the bar at Musso’s is not filled to capacity every single night with infallible regulars (though there may be a few such lucky individuals). This fact alone makes it more welcoming to visitors and tourists. Yes, there are a few people one hopes to see come in even if one did not call them up and let them know you’re coming – like the one in a million jovial raconteur Martin I. Townsend, a World War II Veteran who has been going to Musso’s since the Fifties, and who will keep you laughing out loud until your sides ache. There are some subtle and intricate dynamics to life at the Musso’s bar, as well as the unique (especially for an upscale place) sort of lunch/dinner counter. The one main rule here (beyond more obvious rules of civil behavior where drinking is involved) is don’t be a bore! Most, but certainly not all people, have the skill of knowing when a stranger who sits next to you (or vice versa) wants to have a conversation and when he or she doesn’t. Always keep in mind that a person at either counter may be by him or herself because they are waiting for friends and family or they simply desire to sit in quiet meditation and ponder the meaning of life (another great activity at Musso’s that even I occasionally engage in). It took me years to learn the dynamics of bar conversation (small talk anywhere for that matter) but basically it goes like this. You make an innocuous, very brief comment like "First time in Musso’s?" or "Do you live around here?" etc. If you just get a quiet nod or a stifled "yeah" – that means the person wants to be left alone. If the person answers and then adds a further comment (the further comment is the tell tale sign) – then they at least are open to a little further dialog. Be cognizant of kinesics. One way or another – it’s worth the try and you’ll never get the imagined harshly negative response that shy people like I often fear. Enough didactics and back to the subject at hand – Musso’s! Using this methodology at Musso’s I’ve had some incredible conversations and even made a few friends. While no bar or restaurant in the world is populated by 100% nice or interesting people, all of the above-mentioned wonders of Musso’s attract a very high percentage of interesting and unique characters. I am known to sit at the bar rather early on in the afternoon. If I have to drive – it’s Cokes and Perrier, but I’ll often book a room within walking distance so I can enjoy one of those incredible drinks I mentioned earlier. After a few quick greetings with the staff members I’ve raved about, I then begin a long string of conversations (broken up by a dinner at the other counter as intermission). Let me give you a few examples of the many, many people I’ve talked with: a published novelist and screen writer who later turned out to have grown up in the exact small neighborhood that I did in Baltimore, an incredibly creative painter who after seeing her work on her iphone is undoubtedly one of America’s greatest "undiscovered" artists, a very sincere country singer from Las Vegas who just happened to be good friends with someone I know as well, a well known radio DJ from Texas who decided to do a show on Musso’s after I inundated him (no doubt a euphemism) with my esoteric anecdotes on Musso and Frank's history, a retired executive from Britain with a photographic knowledge of jazz history where I realized only after 15 minutes of talking that I had met long before, a well known movie star who kindly tolerated a brief anecdote from me (only because he was standing right next to me!). I could literally go on and on, but the point is (if you do not violate the "no bore" rule), you can have some of the greatest conversations of your life (not every time but surprisingly often) spontaneously by going to the bar at Musso and Frank’s (less so but also possible at the dining counter) and experiencing the incredible level of clientele that is attracted by this wonderful place. Now, I’ll shut up or I will face violation of the "no bore" rule. The "World’s Greatest Restaurant and Bar" – have I convinced you?

Hungry (I couldn't resist) for more info on the Musso and Frank Grill?  Read my factual history of the place!  click here